Published April 1, 2013
Wrestler Named Sexiest Man of the Year
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You knew it was coming.
by Ema Nymton

Captain Barba
RIT’s own dreamy President Wrestler has been presented with the title of Sexiest Man of the year. Wrestler is a sensual, banjo-playing cat enthusiast from a small town in Oregon. He enjoys finding alternative uses for parking lots at RIT and spending time with his wife, who was just as delighted as Wrestler to hear the news. “We were out to dinner at Gracie’s dining hall when I got the call,” Wrestler remembered with a seductive smile. “I was so in shock I could hardly finish the fantastic food I was eating. My wife couldn’t stop talking about it. We’ve known it’s been coming for a while now.” For the rest of America, Wrestler is no surprise candidate. Who could turn down the man’s bad boy charm, yummy washboard abs and smoldering smile? As if those qualities weren’t enough, Wrestler’s musical background makes him a well-rounded heartthrob and the subject of posters hanging from thousands of school girls’ lockers. When asked what he plans to do next, Wrestler talked of learning the triangle to further his musical genius. He also mentioned taking a few art classes at RIT to help him design aesthetically pleasing fountains original to the school. “I’m thinking of going with a burnt umber theme. Something that represents RIT, who we are and what this school is about,” Wrestler exclaimed with a tempting twinkle in his eye.

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Mon, Apr 1 2013 @ 1:18 pm
There is nothing okay about this image. I will not sleep tonight.
Nathan J. Lichtenstein
 
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