Published April 1, 2013
Art Surprise Pops up in Golisano
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Woman wearing only a smile.
by Cindy Lou What-the-Fuck

It’s not every day that a naked person walks into your coding class.

Monday morning, students from Golisano College of Computing and Information Sciences (GCCIS) received quite a shock. Kelly Stark, one of the nude models working for the College of Imaging Arts (CIAS) and Sciences, mistakenly walked into the wrong building dressed- or rather, undressed- for work.

“I was extremely disoriented,” said Stark. “I must have parked in a different parking lot than usual. With the lots changing so often, I can’t keep them all straight!”

Needless to say, the young men in the classroom were caught off guard. An unclothed female had entered their lair. As could be expected, some problems sprang up.

“I thought it was an angel,” said Eugene Walters, a second year studying Game Design and Development. “Girls just don’t come in here.”

There were similar remarks from his peers. George Neumann, a third year Software Engineering student, said he nearly fainted but maintained his composure long enough to take a picture with his phone.

Officials say that the photo Neumann took of Stark may attain global attention by the end of the week. If the photo continues its viral path, Stark’s lawyer has stated that his entire firm will be pushing for Stark’s stardom and possibly a modeling job with Playboy.

Stark has been a nude model for almost three years. She began modeling when she quit her job at the age of 21. Stark grew up in a secret nudist colony just south of Rochester with her loving parents and brothers, Jorge and Wilfred.

“I figured it would be a great way to make money,” said the young model. “It’s completely natural; just like being at home.”

After reflecting on the issue, college officials from CIAS have jumped into problem-solving mode. They will be meeting with a team of 15 award-winning architects from around the globe to construct the blueprints for a separate, sealed off entrance into James E. Booth (BOO)Hall for the nude models. Construction is estimated to begin before the month is out.

Following the incident, there were reports of crazed GCCIS students searching for “the goddess.” Many students were brought to the RIT Counseling Center to find solace or guidance. One wrong turn by a confused naked girl appears to have caused more damage than RIT was prepared to deal with. CIAS recognized the gravity of the situation and responded promptly through CIAS Dean, Lauren Rustic.

“I apologize to the students and faculty of the Golisano College of Computing and Information Sciences,” said Rustic in an official statement only hours after the incident. “The raw beauty of art that stunned these poor computing students should have been more carefully monitored.” The dean promised that, in the future, nude models will be kept away from GCCIS to avoid the injury of any student with heart problems. While some students remain disgruntled by Rustic’s oath and the imminent construction on campus, Rustic holds that these steps will save lives.

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